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The title sounds like this will be an inspirational post. As if I am about to quote Martin Luther King or something.
Nope, it's not. Far from it. In fact, instead of you thinking Oh, I am going to check this post out, get inspired and find a new outlook on life, I'd exit now. In fact, I believe that I will have to in return, be inspired by you guys.
Last night I had a dream. It was all about our journey to Ethiopia to go bring Nevaeh home. I will just go point form about the dream and explain from there..
*missed flight due to hockey game for J
*forgot camera so had to ask a stranger to take 1 photo
*forgot baby sling and had to carry Nev all around E
*actually misinterpreted that we ACTUALLY were getting 2 daughter and didn't have any clothes, shoes or any supplies for our 2nd daughter
*didn't sleep the whole trip
*Nev and 2nd daughter cried the whole time
and lots more, but don't want to bore you!!!!
Now some of this dream very well COULD happen! I have been known to not have my own camera on a trip BUT no because I forgot it, but because I had misplaced my own camera and had to borrow my sisters or mom's. I am into scrap booking so I would NEVER go empty handed, it just may not be my own!
Not sleeping the whole time. Now that may be a bit of a stretch, but I do not sleep well here in my own bed, so throw in oh 20hrs of flight time, different bed, new baby etc, it could very well happen. Now I could knock myself out with a strong sleeping pill or something and leave Adam or my father in law to deal with the 12 hr straight flight with Nev, but thinking probably not the best choice! But I am used to not sleeping, so that is nothing new. Do I function well on no sleep you ask? Well Adam could answer that one for you. Straight up NO!!! But I deal with it.
NOW here is why I am having an anxiety feeling in my stomach. This adoption process is slowly getting closer to the point of us travelling. I mean I still am not thinking before April-May, BUT that is still day by day getting closer. I have A LOT to do. Get Nev's room sorted out, sort baby clothes, start packing clothes for Nev. (But what size do I pack, I don't know what size she will be. Do you pack larger sizes just to be safe? Really to you who have done this....please comment!!) How will I handle the food. Emotionally how will I handle all I will see. How will I be able to pass by someone on the street and not want to hand over all I have just so they can have something.
But the main thing that my dream made me think of is the bonding. How will Nev and I(and Ad and Jay) bond with Nev. How do you prepare yourself for what is to come in this area?(and again, I asking this question to you guys who have been there done that, so please do comment!). Adoption is different that when I had J. I know what to "do" if I was to have another biological daughter. But Nev will be close to a year when we meet her. What if when the caregivers at the foster home hand her to us for the first time, she turns and wants to go back to that person. Do you just keep them in your arms....how far do you push the bonding process without being too pushy, but yet I don't want to back off too far so that I slow down the bonding process. Is skin to skin bonding(which I read was good for newborns) something you do with a toddler? How long do "we" just hold her. And who does "we" apply to? Does that include grandparents, my siblings, or literally is that just me and Ad and J? How long until we can leave her with a babysitter without her thinking we are another person in her life that is not coming back. (not that I am already thinking of when we can go on a trip or something...but just even a day to go to the city etc....)..............
These are questions that I think of often. I know it does me no good to worry about this "stuff" BUT some of this is "stuff" I need to start to think about, or inform myself. Yes, I can not do anything about if Nev cries the whole way home on the airplane BUT I can do things to prepare myself for those times to try to help the bonding situation.
So my dear friends, any of you who have advice.....please PLEASE comment away! Any and as much as you care to give. Links to old blog posts about how to pack or about a good bonding tip, GOOD(and emphasise on the GOOD part. I'm not a huge reader, so it needs to be a gooder)books you've read about bonding. Let it fly....I'm open.
10 comments:
I have not had this experience but as a fellow mom I say....Yes, do pack lot of clothes, go by her age and choose clothes that are 3-6 months larger....and going from there to here you will want to layer as the flight home progresses! As for the bonding, let her lead you, hug her and love her as much as you can....as long as she feels safe and loved she will bond with all three of you! babysitter, there will come a time when you and addy need time together or you need time alone. This is time for you to re-energize to be the best parents you can be so don't feel any guilt about this. This wil become normal for her to see you leave and come home! Nev will be a blessing for your family and we are so happy for you! Lead with your heart it rarely takes you in the wrong direction! Love and hugs to you all!
Maybe it's not so bad that I'm not dreaming about getting to Ethiopia anymore after all- sounds like a rather negative dream! The longer we wait, the less ready I feel. I think I'm forgetting all the reading and seminars on attachment I've done. I've really no hints or tips for you, but do I ever wish I could share about our first moments and so on...
At least now you know what to put on your packing list: camera!!! and I've been told you can buy clothes in Ethiopia if you pack the wrong size...
Oh the craziness of this journey to our kids!
My list on my blog, I totally overpacked for Eden! I packed 2 different sizes, in a few things, but for the most part I was right on the money for things. Laundry is easy to send out there, just takes about 2 days to get back.
As for bonding, E was 7 month old, so considerably younger than N will probably be when you get her. I found the first 2 days, she was still very responsive to us but didn't smile till about the 3rd day. The first 4 days or so were tougher trying to establish a routine, so it's nice to stick around the Weygoss and plan your excursions for the last part of your trip.
I think carrying your baby is very important for bonding, get a good carrier! (not sure if she'll be wanting to walk a bit). I think when you first meet her, you'll be able to read her and see how anxious she is. A lot of the time not looking directly in their face but holding them so they can see out is better.
You'll be fine! It's a feel your way around, stumble a bit, but eventually come out just fine.
As for the beds, they SUCK at the Weygoss and the pillows super SUCK. But it's not like you're living there!!
Hi Krista....your questions reminded me of when we first met Samra. She touched Jim's face like he was the most peculiar thing she had ever seen, and burst out in a huge cry. Sineyet snuck away and she cried even louder....Mesfin held her and she stopped crying....it was terrible. I was so worried for her. We took her that day and she was terrified to see us everytime she woke up.....for the first 2 days it felt like we were so awful. Slowly she came out of her shell, and by 2 weeks later, she knew who we were for sure (maybe even sooner). I think the good thing is that you are aware that it may not go perfectly, but her attachment to the nannies at the FH is a good thing. She loves them and they love her, and with time she will bond well to you and your husband and her sister.
2 years later, we are so attached that it feels like I've known her since her first breath.
hope that helps.
Heather from the CAFAC board
just found your blog. looking forward to reading up on it...after I get some sleep
(friend of "mckmama")
All the advice I can give you is to pack at least two sizes of clothes and lots of sizes of shoes (if she's walking yet) and then donate the sizes that she has outgrown. When we went to FAYA orphanage, they were so grateful for the clothing and shoes donations.
oh wow, i have ZERO advice but i can sure sympathize with your worry and questions, and will be reading thru all your comments for advice,myself. darci
We had to live out of state for 3 weeks, with our adoption, but I'm sure living out of the COUNTRY is a whole different ball game.
As far as bonding goes, I wore Ty everywhere for our first several months together. I used The Ultimate Wrap and a sling. Whether I was doing dishes, taking a walk around the block, or applying mascara, my little man was with me, close to my heart.
It's hard to know whether it was our bonding time or his in-born personality, but my little man is such a lover. He has a tender, tender heart and our moments together sweet.
You must be giddy with excitement!
My email didn't go through to you- I wanted to tell you I love the elephant bracelet! Thanks for thinking of me. I'd say more, but I need to get packing so I can go see your little one!!!!
Ramona
Oh- right and my two of course!! Only a few more sleeps as long as the air strike doesn't happen and I get from Germany to Addis!!!
I have no advice but I agree with Ramona, the longer we wait to travel the more unprepared I get.
Donna
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