Friday, November 28, 2008

Why we decided to adopt

Adam and I have always talked about doing an international adoption. I can't even remember our first time that we discussed the topic because we have always had it in our hearts. We feel we are both able to love someone who God will bring to us, even if they are not biologically our own. It's just like the love I feel for Adam. He isn't related to me(well that's a good thing isn't it!!) and I don't share any biological connection to him. I am able to love him like crazy even though he is not my own "flesh and blood." I don't know if that makes sense or not. Im just trying to make the point that he and I know we will be able to open our hearts up and love our adopted daughter just as much as our biological daughter. Flesh and blood will not make us love Jayden more. This is one of the reason we know that God has called us to expand our family thru adoption.
We never talked about what specific country we were going to adopt from, but it has always been that we would do an international adoption. Basically for a long time we have known we wanted to adopt after we were done having our biological family. Easy.... that's how it's going to be. Done deal, that's it.

Fast forward a few more years to when we thought, "okay it's time to start having babies." Easy deal, I thought. Well not so easy. At first it wasn't happening, and then finally, "Yeah, we're pregnant."
I was almost 14 weeks and we had a miscarriage, the day before my sister-in-law's wedding. I went from the recovery room of having a D&C, back to the house to sleep, and then the next day I walked down the isle to light a candle or two! That was a very hard day for me. Most everyone knew we were pregnant, and I hadn't seen a lot of them yet, and they hadn't heard that I had lost our baby. So everyone was congratulating us, and yeah, it was a mess for us. And a hard day for family. My "in law" family is awesome. They truely are like my own family. But one of thier daughters is celebrating, and the other is devistated. I'm sure it was really hard on them to deal with as well. Luckily my mom and dad were coming to the wedding anyhow, and they were there to help.

Anyhow....where was I. Oh yeah, another miscarriage in among infertility.Things were getting a little stressful. I have mentioned the stress of fertility treatments in a previous post. Anyhow, after deciding to take a break from fertility tx, we took a trip to relax....and we came back pregnant!!! So here's my prescription for infertility.....Take a hot, tropical vacation!!!!

So finally I'm pregnant again. This is great, I figure. Besides having to take the 1st..2nd...and 3rd month off to being so sick, it was going okay. My nerves were also high as I had never made it past week 14. Finally at about week 16 I went back to work and was feeling better.

Now this is awesome. Until week 18 when I began bleeding...bad. We raced up to the hospital(which is 2 hr's away) and they discovered my placenta had torn a wee tiny bit. Our baby was fine, so they sent me home to relax.

Until week 20. Way more bleeding. Race up again, the placenta had torn a wee tiny bit again. Okay. "There is nothing we can do if the placenta was to completly tear off. The baby is to little and we need you to get to week 21. Then if something does happen, we can work with the baby."

Okay. So I am now on bedrest. Sucks, but I can do this.

Until week 23. Way more bleeding. You guessed it, the placenta had torn a wee bit more.
"Okay, we really still don't want to have to deliver this baby so early. Let's get to 25 weeks."

This pregnancy is really, really getting stressful. It is suppose to be a fun, look at my belly, I feel great thing. I am NOT enjoying this. Everytime I didn't feel a kick, I would think the worst. I had to have an ultasound every week from week 20 and on. The Ultrasound tec knew me by name, and I didn't even have to wait my turn. I got to walk right past the secretaries and go right back.

Anyhow....Week 26....wait for it......wait for it......

Massive amounts of bleeding. I really thought "this was the time my placenta was totally rupturing and my few minutes to save our baby was going to be gone." I had a 2hr ride to the hospital. But God was protecting our little baby yet again. The ultrasound showed her sucking her thumb, and she gave a few good kicks to tell the guy "quit poking me with that thing. I'm okay in here."

At this point they gave me a steriod shot to develop her lungs, I mean really, it didn't look like I would go full term. Strict bedrest.

Not enjoying pregnancy. Can't do anything. At this point we were thinking we needed to get a place in the city, so we can be close to the hospital.

But after that last hospital stay, and weekly ultrasounds to check on my placental tear, I had no more tearing.

So that takes us to week 38. Yes 38. Not 28. 38. The dr's were pretty impressed I made it to full term. I won't bore you with the 48hr long labour. But I will say it again. 48 hour long labour..... All I felt when they admitted me to the hospital to induce me was..

"Finally, our baby is safe."

I never truely thought she would make it. If my placenta had torn, I literally had minutes to get to the hospial for an emergancy c-section. Once the placenta is unattached, there is no oxygen to the baby. I needed to be in a hospital at the time of the rupture for our baby to live. Now I was in the hospital.......
Nov 1st, 2003 our miracle baby Jayden Skye was born. I can't even try to explain how I felt. Finally. Basically that sums it up. Finally we have our baby in our arms. Gratitude to Our Heavenly Father, that He kept our baby safe all thru the trouble I had. Anyhow, I can't explain it so I will stop there.....
Basically long story short, until our daughter was 2 years old we didn't try to get pregnant again. Just a personal choice. Lots of people question us on that. "If it's so hard for you to get pregnant, why would you try to prevent it from happening again." Stuff like that. Again, like I say, it was a personal choice. I know what I can handle as a mom, and that's that.
But once we did start trying again, obviously it's not happening. Last summer, my hubby and I were talking as we were driving on our holiday.
"Why do we have to wait until we are done having our biological children to adopt?....I mean what if I don't get pregnant again 5 years....or maybe never again. Why do we have to wait?"
"Hhmmm....that is so true. If we want our kids to be closer in age....yeah, we should think about it and pray about it....."
So in a nutshell that is how we came to our decision to adopt now instead of later. Of course there was much more discussion and lots more prayer involved, but you know what I mean. July 15th, 2007 is the date we started our process....I like how some of my fellow adoption bloggers have put the timeline on the side. I must figure out how to do that.
Okay, that was a long post. Sorry, but wanted to give you all a good insight of why we are adopting and how we have talked about it for a long time.
Pewffff. Now since an hour of my cleaning time is gone, I must go and at least start something so it looks like I've been productive!!!!


Rana said...

Thanks for sharing. We also have infertility issues or so they tell us...they can't tell us why only that it is unexplained.

We also feel that we will love our adopted child with all of our hearts they will be ours forever and we can't wait!

Kelly said...

Hi Kit! I got your message. I hope you don't mind that I added you on my blog to follow as well. I'm glad that you posted. It seems like we have much in common. We have been waiting for almost 7 months now for a referral. We were just told that it will be between 18-24 months before we hear anything as siblings are getting harder to find.

Anonymous said...

Hey Krista,
I've known how hard things were with Jayden, but reading about it now 5 years later sure makes me wish I would have been there for amazing that's she's such a healthy, beautiful 5 year old now. Life for a mom is so rewarding and amazing, but more and more i'm seeing clearly that it's often a very challenging hard road. I want to be there for you this time if there's ever anything I can do! Love Jodi

Darrell and Jess said...

Wow... that is quite the story and a hard one to share. We are in the "unexplained" infertility and we too always had thought of international adoption.
We are all stalkers!! :) that's the only way I even met some adoptive moms! Email me anytime!

Kelly said...

How scary. I'm so glad you were able to carry her for 38 weeks and you were spared all the time in the Nicu. Did they know why the placenta kept tearing?

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