Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Manic Monday...(a day late)

Since I was in the air most of yesterday for Manic Monday, I have to post a day late.  Better late than never.

Manic Monday is a way to share the lows of the journey of adoption.

Every one has them, just a few of us chose to make it common knowledge.  But there is power in talking about the rough times.

Comments.  They totally can bring me down.  I know I should just let them roll off my chest, but each time a stupid comment is made I want to scream.  I can handle the whole..."oh can I touch her hair" thing.  Although it does get a bit old, but that I can shrug off.  It's the more intense, deep down wounding comments.  Like "where is her real mother".  "At least you have one of your own children (meaning a bio child)."  "How much did she cost".  Things like that.

Really?.  Where is her real mother?  What am I?  Just someone willing to have puke on me when she is sick, change parasitic diapers, etc....?  Do I not qualify to be her "real mother" because she did not come from my womb?

Seriously?  At least you have one of your own?  So you think because she is not my bio child that we view her in a different "class" of our family?  What is the difference.  Why would it make any difference that I had one via my body and one via Ethiopia.?

For real?  How much did she cost.  How ridiculous of a question. If they knew how much heart ache and paper work, and pain etc we went thru.  It's not like you think...hmmmmm, we should adopt.  Cut a cheque, and boom.  She is here.  NOT IN THE LEAST.  Can I get AMEN???!!!.  It is the most painful, long, time consuming process you can imagine. For someone to imply that we "bought her"  is very uneducated on their part.

But I have started to try to not let those comments resonate with me.  To let it go.  If I have the opportunity to educate them in the proper wording of some things, I do.  I also can read if a person is sincere in what they are asking.

It is a hard aspect of bringing a child home who has different color skin.  Be prepared for silly questions.  Research before you bring you child/children home, so you have answers for these dumb comments.  If you are prepared, you wont be so rattled when you get them.

3 comments:

Carla said...

Seriously. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry. :) Thank for sharing. I am more than fine with curiosity and honest questions...but sometimes people are just stupid.

Stephanie said...

AMEN!!!! I agree that trying to prepare some answers ahead of time is very helpful. Why are some people so stupid/naive??!!

Steph :-)

Marcy said...

Oh man! I totally get it and I didn't adopt internationally. I get those comments with "white" children (although they have various shades and ethnic backgrounds) except for the hair thing. My blondi gets those comments (LOL). We adopted all of ours domestically and those comments are so offensive. I try to "educate" those that dare say those things, because frankly, they asked for it! lol Thank you for the post.

By the way, I'm Canadian too, from the prairies.

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