Christmas 2008

What a great time our Christmas break has been. Staying up late, eating WAY too much food, watching movies and so much more. We are at my husbands parents place in Lethbridge. We went skating today with Jayden and she had a hoot showing off to the grandparent and aunties and uncles. The cousins went home a couple days ago, leaving with the flu, that my daughter gave to them! oppsies, guess the sharing of the recorder wasn't the best idea.

It has been a good time to reflect on the past year and realise what a great year it has been. A few trips have been had, lots of family memories, fun at Clearwater lake and the cabin, Jayden starting school, a great harvest, and so much more.

The other thing that makes me glad is I am almost certain that this will be the last Christmas with it being just the three of us. I pray that this adoption process speeds up a bit and we find out who our daughter from Ethiopia is. All of our family is ready for our new addition. So here's to our last Christmas being Adam, Krista and Jayden Lawson.

Cheers

Elvis was in the house!!!!

Okay...so I took a little more than a few hours to be grumpy about my phone call with CAFAC. I took a few days. Let me fill you in on what got me to change my "Grumpy, I want to know who my daughter is" status.....

Last night was my sister's Christmas party. My sister Penney is handicapped, and lives in a group home during the week. Every Christmas they have their annual Christmas party. I wish all of you could attend, but she only can invite 2 guests. Of course my mom goes and now that my dad is passed away, his spot goes to one of us sisters.(there are 3 of us). This year was my turn.

To start it off, as soon as I walked in the door, and I mean hardly both feet were in the door, one of the girls who really has taken a liking to me, Rosemary, spots me and runs at me and gives me a huge hug and tells me she has new shoes. And that it's the Christmas party so she needed new shoes to dance! It was a great way to start the evening. Then to open the party up, the lady who helps with activities coordinated my sisters group to shake bells to the song Jingle Bells(very appropriate I would say!). My sister loves loud noises and had a great time and laughed the whole way thru. It was a hoot.

The meal was great, then time for their Christmas bonus. Now each of us has a different mind set of what "Bonus" means, but for them it is an envelope with 5-5$bills in it. You should have seen how excited they were. One guy raised his hands in the air, as if he won a gold metal as everyone cheered for Malcolm. Then Perry got high fives from his whole row when he got his envelope. The next girl kissed her envelope and pointed to her mom. It was great. What would you do if you got an envelope of 25 dollars?

Now to the dance. To kick it off "Elvis" made his entrance. It is a man who works in another town with handicapped kids who has done an awesome job. He sings(very much like Elvis) and has 2 of the clients follow him around the floor, and they are the body guards. Then Santa made his appearance and danced with Elvis and passed out goodie bags. Then the dancing started. It was great. The highlight of the night was my dance with Malcolm. He loves to dance. He has been waiting for the Christmas dance since last year! This particular song only about 5 people were dancing and everyone was sitting around the dance floor. Malcolm started to "scan" the crowd, doing "Elvis" hip movements and had his arm outstretched and was pointing as he went around the circle. When his finger was "scanned" at me, he turns his pointed finger over and starts doing the "come here" motion and says "Come here baby!!!!!" It was so cute. So of course I danced with him and it was a hoot. The bird dance was also a big hit.

So this kicked my negative attitude to the curb! All the people there are so happy and had the best night. It shows me the true meaning of Christmas. They were overwhelmed with receiving 25 dollars as a gift. They were excited when their friends also received their gifts. They danced with everyone, not just their friends, they included all who were there. They truly believed that Elvis was at their party. What a great way to get my spirits back up.

Thanks Penney for inviting me to the Christmas Party. Too bad it's Ronda's turn next year. Oh which doesn't matter anyhow, cause when Perry found out that I might not be able to come because there wasn't enough room, he told me that he will invite me to sit at his table, cause he has an extra seat....

Cheers

Not what I wanted to hear.....

I had to call our adoption agency CAFAC today to ask some questions about our application for our daughters Canadian Citizenship. I got my answers that I needed and I thought, I'm just gonna ask.....

Me..."So those people who are getting their referrals lately,....when did their dossier get to Ethiopia"
Her..."I'm not sure....let me go ask someone who knows. Just hold on"

So as I'm on hold, my mind is thinking, I bet it's the ones whose dossier arrived in Ethiopia in about Dec of 2007. Maybe Nov of 07, but I'm pretty sure it is Dec of 07. My heart gets a little excited cause we would be getting close to the top of the pile.....

Her..."Hi, I'm back. So those who have just gotten their referrals sent their dossier to Ethiopia in August of 2007. Does that answer your question?"
Me.... "Oh yes it does, thanks. Have a good day."

Really. August of 2007. Are you kidding me. So 5 months from now is.......mid May 2009, when we possibly would hear who our daughter is. Then 4-6 months until we can go pick her up. So that is......Oct-Nov until we may have our daughter home here with us. Seriously...That phone conversation is not what I wanted to hear. I know that they have told us once our dossier arrives in Ethiopia, it can be between 8-14 months. I guess I just have always banked on the 12 month wait. Right in the middle.

I know I shouldn't be so negative right now, but this sucks.......I will give myself a couple hours to dwell in my disappointment, then I will post something I'm "suppose to say," but don't feel like saying right now.

Daydreaming

I found this poem on a fellow adoption bloggers blog post(does that make sense?) It has so many "truths" to it. I thought that I would share it with you.

Daydreaming...
I stepped into her room today
Knowing she’s not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear

But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.

A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She’s meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I’ve dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be “The Call”.
By Tom Fisher

Those of you who know me, understand that I probably haven't cried over the wait, or the dreaming, but the wonder and dreaming about our daughter is definitely true. Wondering what she will look like. Will she have curly hair, what shape will her nose be, will she be walking already, or will she still be on a bottle. Will she nestle her head in my shoulder, like Jayden did, when she is tired. All these things I think about.

I am thinking about these things more and more, I guess since obviously our date to get the referral call gets closer day by day. But there is not much I can do, so I will keep myself busy in other ways! Christmas concerts, Christmas parties, hockey practises....life keeps busy..

Anyhow I must go.......the phone is ringing!!!!

Cheers

Why we decided to adopt

Adam and I have always talked about doing an international adoption. I can't even remember our first time that we discussed the topic because we have always had it in our hearts. We feel we are both able to love someone who God will bring to us, even if they are not biologically our own. It's just like the love I feel for Adam. He isn't related to me(well that's a good thing isn't it!!) and I don't share any biological connection to him. I am able to love him like crazy even though he is not my own "flesh and blood." I don't know if that makes sense or not. Im just trying to make the point that he and I know we will be able to open our hearts up and love our adopted daughter just as much as our biological daughter. Flesh and blood will not make us love Jayden more. This is one of the reason we know that God has called us to expand our family thru adoption.

We never talked about what specific country we were going to adopt from, but it has always been that we would do an international adoption. Basically for a long time we have known we wanted to adopt after we were done having our biological family. Easy.... that's how it's going to be. Done deal, that's it.

Fast forward a few more years to when we thought, "okay it's time to start having babies." Easy deal, I thought. Well not so easy. At first it wasn't happening, and then finally, "Yeah, we're pregnant."

I was almost 14 weeks and we had a miscarriage, the day before my sister-in-law's wedding. I went from the recovery room of having a D&C, back to the house to sleep, and then the next day I walked down the isle to light a candle or two! That was a very hard day for me. Most everyone knew we were pregnant, and I hadn't seen a lot of them yet, and they hadn't heard that I had lost our baby. So everyone was congratulating us, and yeah, it was a mess for us. And a hard day for family. My "in law" family is awesome. They truely are like my own family. But one of thier daughters is celebrating, and the other is devistated. I'm sure it was really hard on them to deal with as well. Luckily my mom and dad were coming to the wedding anyhow, and they were there to help.

Anyhow....where was I. Oh yeah, another miscarriage in among infertility.Things were getting a little stressful. I have mentioned the stress of fertility treatments in a previous post. Anyhow, after deciding to take a break from fertility tx, we took a trip to relax....and we came back pregnant!!! So here's my prescription for infertility.....Take a hot, tropical vacation!!!!

So finally I'm pregnant again. This is great, I figure. Besides having to take the 1st..2nd...and 3rd month off to being so sick, it was going okay. My nerves were also high as I had never made it past week 14. Finally at about week 16 I went back to work and was feeling better.

Now this is awesome. Until week 18 when I began bleeding...bad. We raced up to the hospital(which is 2 hr's away) and they discovered my placenta had torn a wee tiny bit. Our baby was fine, so they sent me home to relax.

Until week 20. Way more bleeding. Race up again, the placenta had torn a wee tiny bit again. Okay. "There is nothing we can do if the placenta was to completly tear off. The baby is to little and we need you to get to week 21. Then if something does happen, we can work with the baby."

Okay. So I am now on bedrest. Sucks, but I can do this.

Until week 23. Way more bleeding. You guessed it, the placenta had torn a wee bit more.

"Okay, we really still don't want to have to deliver this baby so early. Let's get to 25 weeks."

This pregnancy is really, really getting stressful. It is suppose to be a fun, look at my belly, I feel great thing. I am NOT enjoying this. Everytime I didn't feel a kick, I would think the worst. I had to have an ultasound every week from week 20 and on. The Ultrasound tec knew me by name, and I didn't even have to wait my turn. I got to walk right past the secretaries and go right back.

Anyhow....Week 26....wait for it......wait for it......

Massive amounts of bleeding. I really thought "this was the time my placenta was totally rupturing and my few minutes to save our baby was going to be gone." I had a 2hr ride to the hospital. But God was protecting our little baby yet again. The ultrasound showed her sucking her thumb, and she gave a few good kicks to tell the guy "quit poking me with that thing. I'm okay in here."

At this point they gave me a steriod shot to develop her lungs, I mean really, it didn't look like I would go full term. Strict bedrest.

Not enjoying pregnancy. Can't do anything. At this point we were thinking we needed to get a place in the city, so we can be close to the hospital.

But after that last hospital stay, and weekly ultrasounds to check on my placental tear, I had no more tearing.

So that takes us to week 38. Yes 38. Not 28. 38. The dr's were pretty impressed I made it to full term. I won't bore you with the 48hr long labour. But I will say it again. 48 hour long labour..... All I felt when they admitted me to the hospital to induce me was..

"Finally, our baby is safe."

I never truely thought she would make it. If my placenta had torn, I literally had minutes to get to the hospial for an emergancy c-section. Once the placenta is unattached, there is no oxygen to the baby. I needed to be in a hospital at the time of the rupture for our baby to live. Now I was in the hospital.......

Nov 1st, 2003 our miracle baby Jayden Skye was born. I can't even try to explain how I felt. Finally. Basically that sums it up. Finally we have our baby in our arms. Gratitude to Our Heavenly Father, that He kept our baby safe all thru the trouble I had. Anyhow, I can't explain it so I will stop there.....

Basically long story short, until our daughter was 2 years old we didn't try to get pregnant again. Just a personal choice. Lots of people question us on that. "If it's so hard for you to get pregnant, why would you try to prevent it from happening again." Stuff like that. Again, like I say, it was a personal choice. I know what I can handle as a mom, and that's that.

But once we did start trying again, obviously it's not happening. Last summer, my hubby and I were talking as we were driving on our holiday.

"Why do we have to wait until we are done having our biological children to adopt?....I mean what if I don't get pregnant again for....like 5 years....or maybe never again. Why do we have to wait?"

"Hhmmm....that is so true. If we want our kids to be closer in age....yeah, we should think about it and pray about it....."

So in a nutshell that is how we came to our decision to adopt now instead of later. Of course there was much more discussion and lots more prayer involved, but you know what I mean. July 15th, 2007 is the date we started our process....I like how some of my fellow adoption bloggers have put the timeline on the side. I must figure out how to do that.

Okay, that was a long post. Sorry, but wanted to give you all a good insight of why we are adopting and how we have talked about it for a long time.

Pewffff. Now since an hour of my cleaning time is gone, I must go and at least start something so it looks like I've been productive!!!!

Cheers

An Honest Moment...

So, I am going to post an honest feeling I have been having, but I don't say it out loud too much.

I'm getting impatient. I guess deep down, I thought we would have our referral by now. Our dossier has been in Ethiopia since end of January 2008, and from that point they say the wait time to get a referral (which is adoption wording for our child), is between 8-14 months. Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May, June, July, Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov......that's almost 11 months....
Yes, we have mentally geared ourselves up for the 14 month wait, but my heart has gone a little impatient on me the last week or so... I really want it to start to move quicker. Unfortunately, there is not much we can do about it. We can just put our cares in the hands of our Father, and pray to Him for a speedy process, and to give me patience. Lord....please, please give me patience today. I really want news about our daughter soon. Please calm my anxious heart.

But anyhow, I'm not a person who loves to share my inner secrets of my heart very often, so that's as honest as I'm getting....for right now.

Cheers

I'm back....

Okay, so I've taken a little break from the blog. This is what usually happens to me....I get really excited over something, and then it wears off and I think, why did I even start this. No one even is reading this, and I'm not a writer, I should just stop blogging. Well a few friends have said to me, "Hey, you haven't updated your blog lately. What's up!" So I guess some people read the blog. So Im back.

I'm not going to write anything about our adoption today, but I will tell you that Adam, Jayden and I went on a little trip to Disneyland. It was so much fun. We took Jayden for her 5th birthday. It was a perfect age to take her. She thought everything was amazing, and loved getting autographs, loved most of the rides, and really loved it. I think we will take our daughter as well when she turns 5. Any younger, and I think it would be a waste.(in our opinion)(Oh yeah, this is my blog, so I don't have to worry about offending anyone!!!) It's just I saw so many people there with young kids, trying to reason with them as they are having a fit cause they couldn't get the toy they wanted. Then because they didn't stop crying, they would buy it for them. Many, many tired kids, and yeah, we just thought Jay was the perfect age. Anyhow, some of her favorite rides were:

• Pirates of the Carribean
  
• Soarin Over California


• Grizzly River Raft Ride


• Disney Playhouse Live


• Buzz Lightyear
  
• Alice in Wonderland


• Bug's Life


• Muppets 3D
  
• Talking with Crush(who actually picked her out of the crowd to talk to!!!)


• any many more

It will be interesting to see if our younger daughter will like the same rides as Jayden when we take her? It will be a fun trip when we go back with 2 kids, instead of just 1! Although everyone is a kid when you go to Disney. I still could hardly sleep the night before we went. I got butterflies as we went thru the front gate, and the sound of Tinkerbell's wand goes off . I love Disney.

Cheers

Harvest Time

Okay harvest is officially wrapping up. Yeah. It seems that combining has taken longer than usual. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE harvest time.

I love the smell in the air, the combine rides, and especially suppers in the feilds. But it will feel nice to not plan supper around when the truck is dumping and packing up all the eating utensils (which, by the way, tonight I forgot the plates!! Thankfully I was close to a neighbour, who still doesn't know I borrowed 6 plates! I guess when she looks in her dishwasher, she will know.)

Harvest time totally reminds me of my dad. He loved harvest time. It makes me miss him, but know he is so proud of how the guys are running the farm. He taught them well.

Anyways. Harvest is over for 2008. Now on to fall work. Ahh the life of a farmer!

A bit of our background

Adam and I tried for about 4 years to become pregnant. I have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. One of the main complications with this condition is infertility. We tried the fertility drugs etc. We found this very stressful and not very "normal" but hoped that it would work for us. For those of you who have done the fertility route, you know what I mean by me saying it's not "normal"!! Medical advancements are great, but having a tube of "stuff" in between your chest to keep "it" warm, while trying to get to the medical clinic before 20 mins, and then laying on a table praying that the procedure will work, just isn't normal!! Then having the stress of hoping it will work. The emotional strain of hoping, hoping, hoping, and then the disappointment the pregnancy, that you were certain was going to work this time, didn't happen. It is an emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs.

We decided that we were going to take a break from the fertility route, and do some natural steps, such as reflexology and vitamins etc. Our reflexologist was great and he told me things that were wrong with me, and I didn't tell him ANY history about me, that I had been told by the medical Dr's. He said, let's just do this for at least 6 months, and then go from there.

Well, we went on a trip to the Dominican Republic to relax and just veg. Lo and behold the stress less vacation was the best medicine and we got pregnant!!!!

My pregnancy was not stress less at all. I was on bed rest for the last 5 months. I had a small placenta tear that would keep tearing, little by little. But our miracle baby was born November 1st, 2003. She has been a real joy and blessing to us.

That has been almost 5 years. Infertility is still present in our life. This time around I have been a lot less stressed and a lot less emotional about it.

My hubby and I have always talked about doing an international adoption. In the beginning of our discussions we thought we would adopt after having our biological children. Last year we were talking about our family and we asked ourselves "why did we have to wait until after having our biological children." It could be years until we become pregnant again...or it may never happen. J was already almost 4 then. She was so ready to have a sibling, and we were ready to be parents again. That's when we decided to start to adoption process.

I will do more posts about our decision of why Ethiopia, why international vs domestic adoption, and more. Post any of your questions about anything you are wondering. It gives me topics to write about!! I love hearing from you guys.

Cheers

How many more sleeps Mommy?

"How many more sleeps until we get baby sister" my 4, almost 5 year old says.
"Is it about 114 mom? Is that about how long...huh. Mom. Is it about 114? "
Sigh. "Yeah about 114 is about right honey."
"I'm getting really excited to be a big sister mom. I can't wait"

This is the conversation that I had with my daughter today. I wish it was only 114 sleeps. I wish I knew exactly how long it would be. More so I wish I knew who our daughter, who we already love, is. Is she born yet? Is she okay? When can I hold her? These are some of the question that I wish I knew, but I don't.

Most of the time, I am actually quite content about not knowing, because our agency gives us a pretty "accurate timeline". So I know that we are in the waiting stage. Our dossier is over in Ethiopia, and as of right now, we can't do anything. Except pray that this waiting stage goes speedy, and that we will find out soon who our daughter is. And I find much comfort in praying when I am anxious.

But sometimes I want to know too....

"How many more sleeps until we get baby sister"

Cheers

Collecting items for Ethiopia

I am so excited tonight. I was in the city today and came across some Canadian items for clear out prices!! Shirts for 2 dollars. Yeah for bargin stores and dollarama's. Mind you some of them are white. Probably not the best color for them, but that's okay! If anyone finds some good deals on Canada apparel(under 5$) let me know where, or buy them for me and I will pay you back. We want as much Canadian stuff as possible. A friend of mine found Frisbee's with the maple leaf. Great item. Small and flat for us to pack when we travel.

I am also so excited about the donations of the "croc" shoes. People have donated about 2 Rubbermaid tubs full. How great our family, church and friends have been in donating to our cause. I was thinking of different items to collect for when we go to Ethiopia to get our daughter. Throughout our journey I have been doing research on the stats of the poverty etc.. One thing that has such out in my mind is how far people have to walk for water. And not water that we would consider water.. Any how, I really felt that this was the main thing I wanted to focus on. Many, if not most children are walking barefoot over rough terrain. They can get infection leading to a condition called elephant foot. This is a serious condition and the infection can move up their legs and be very painful. So this I why I have committed to taking as many shoes as we can pack along with us.

What sizes, brands, colors etc...you ask! Well dollar stores are great for low prices on these "croc" shoes. I am trying to collect these type of lightweight, plastic shoes. They will be great for the children for any type of weather. Plus they will not put us over the weight limit for flying!! I can stuff small shoes in big ones, so I really can pack lots. I definitely won't turn down other shoes, we appreciate any type of donations. If you are new to my blog and want some info on donating some shoes just contact me. I also have a contact who owns a dollar store and she will give me shoes for cost if you would like to just send a toonie or two!

Well my hubby is actually home early from combining and I should go visit with him as he is watching the Rider game! Farming is a great lifestyle, but man, busy times are really, really busy!

Cheers

Me....Blogging?!

So here I am. About to start blogging! Too warn you all, I am not a great writer. My spelling is awful. Some times spell check doesn't even know the word I was trying to type. I am all over the place with my thoughts. But I still am going to give it a whirl!!

I have read other blogs that made me think that this is a great way to journal our way thru our adoption journey. Even though it may seem to us that we will never forget all we are going thru right now, years down the road it will be good for us, and more so, good for our daughter to be able to read about this journey. She will be able to read the process, what we have all had to do, and it will be good for her to see how much we love her, even though we don't even know who she is yet.

Yes....it's a girl!!! We have put in a referral for a baby girl, age 0-18 months. As I just typed that it's a girl, I feel so excited. I want everyone to know about our upcoming daughter. In a different post I will go into more details about why we decided to adopt, how we came to our decision of what gender etc, but this is just an introduction, so I will keep it short!

We actually are pretty sure already of her name that we will call her, but we will keep it a surprise!! I've got to keep you all wanting to come back to read my blog!! We will wait to tell you her name until we know exactly who she is. Plus we will see what her Ethiopian name is, and see if we will use that as her first name, and the name we picked for her 2nd name, or vica versa.

Now when I say we, I am a 31 year old mom and wife. I have been married 10 years to my high school sweetheart. We were married at the age of 20 and 21. I am a massage therapist and farm wife. My name is Krista. My hubby's name is Adam. We had our daughter Jayden Skye in 2003. Actually today is her 1st day of Kindergarden! That's why I have decided to blog now. I have a little extra "me" time, so like I need more to add to my plate of working, cleaning, you know typical mom stuff, I've added blogging. So I dropped J off today. No tears(from me I mean!!) but can't believe our first daughter is in school. She is a true miracle, I will talk more about that in another post, and I am excited for her.

Anyhow that's our little family as it is right now. I will give you more insight into our lives as I keep telling you all about our journey.

Phewf. That wasn't so hard. Actually, it was quite fun and therapeutic. Here's to more blogging.

Cheers.