Monday, June 1, 2009

Sweet Sixteen


I figure this adopting process is like the picture above of someone running a race. You are so pumped and excited at the start. Every thing is going well, you have adrenaline pumping and you start with a bang. You feel like you know what you are up against and you are going to do it with no glitches and nothing will bring you down. Bring it on race, I'm going to tackle you with no problems. You feel like you are passing and gaining on some. It's still going good, and it's early enough in the race you still are strong and going for gold.

Then you hit the mid section of the race. You are getting tired. People are passing you. You might start to feel like you are getting an injury and really start to feel like giving up, or is this race EVER going to end. You might even feel guilty because you should have trained harder. But then, you see the face of someone you care about, cheering you on, giving you hope and inspiration. It gives you the fuel to keep on plugging away, and not stop.

Finally you see the finish line. You get that blast of adrenaline again and you push forward and give it your all. Your friends and family are cheering and so happy for you cause it's almost done. They know how hard you worked, and how hard this race has been for you, and know you are probably in pain....but they are so excited that it is almost over for you. You sprint forward and finish strong.

Ahhhhhhhh. The finish line. You cross it, and it's over. Joy, the pain you felt mid way is washed away with the overwhelming excitment you have that you did it.....It was worth it. You proved to yourself you can do this race....It's over.

To those of you who are not in this adoption process yourselves....This is how it feels when you go thru the journey. The start of it when you are doing paperwork, you are so excited and pumped that you just go forward with such joy and enthusiasm that it seems so great. You tell everyone, your going to adopt and it's so great. You might even start a blog. Once your paper work goes to the country you are adopting from, you start to wait.....and wait. Everyone is trying to be supportive and tell you positive things, but it just starts to drag on. You feel like it will never end. It feels like everyone else is getting referrals, and you are not. You get down, and even depressed about it. You feel pain, because you know your family isn't complete, and you are wanting to know who your child is. You get tired of talking about it, because everyone asks the same questions. It feels like you have nothing to blog about because if you posted about how you are feeling or what's new, it would be depressing and the same old story. Or you think no one even reads your blog, so why do it. You feel like giving up...but know you would never do that. People who are pregnant only have to wait 9 months...but we are waiting over 2 years. Some guilt might set in because you want to feel happy for everyone who is having babies, or getting their referrals, but we have empty arms. Family and friends pull you thru by encouraging and just keeping our minds off things.

We are still in the mid section of our race. We haven't a referral yet, so I can't talk about the finish line too much, but can only imagine what it will be like to get the referral call. I know it will give us the strength to get back in the game and sprint forward. It will still be a long wait until the "gottcha day" in Ethiopia, more paper work and court dates....but it will be like racing to the finish line because you have a visual of who your child is, so you can go full speed, knowing you can see the finish line.

To hold our child in our arms the first time, will be our finish line. Awesome, rewarding, joy, love, and so much more will make this race worth every second. Family and friends will be there to cheer us on. What a great day that will be.

This story can also be applied to many different "races" in all of our lives. For me it also is like my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. I have up's and downs, and sometimes feel like it's not going well. Thank goodness that we have a Father who is there to forgive and pick us up again. It's my personal faith that gets us through these hard times. Prayer of others for us also gets my spirits back up.

This race is also how my journey of weight loss is. I worked so hard at losing almost 120 pounds. Now have gained back......come on now as if I m going to say how much!! But I will give you a hint......10 pounds....nope. 20....uhuh.....30.....uh....not it either 40...well getting close!......I will stop there! Ahhhhh so frustrating. But I'm getting back on the saddle and getting those number to go down.

Maybe you don't have these "races" but I'm sure you've struggled thru you own race and can relate what I am talking about. The main thing is that we don't give up on our races, and we finish it.

We have hit the 16 month point. Is it sweet. Nope. Will it be sweet. You bettcha.

Cheers

11 comments:

Rana and Yvan said...

Great post Krista!

I can identify with you on the adoption race of course and then we all have "other" races as well...these are what make us truly unique.

Darrell and Jess said...

Awesome post... I've often related life to a 'race' as well!

Kathy Lang said...

What a great, insightful post! I love the 'race' analogy for both the adoption and our relationships with God. Our adoption journey (domestic, infant) was not as lengthy as your Ethiopia adoption, but I do remember thinking that it took FOREVER while we were waiting. I'm not a patient person, so waiting on anything is difficult! LOL

You mention your daughter being your 'miracle baby'...could you explain that to me, or tell me where I can find in your blog the explanation? I love miracle stories! I will pray for your family and your adoption journey.

katsam02@yahoo.com

Ramona said...

Blessings on you, Krista as you wait. May you still find joy in your day when the wait is so hard that your body aches and all you want is to see that little face... May you be encouraged to keep running- whichever race it is that faces you at the moment- and know that there is a mighty prize for you in the final end of the BIG race of life as well as in the other races. May you be empowered to keep fighting and may your tears refresh you. Keep drawing strength from the One who gives strength as well as from your family and friends that are part of your support. And remember, you don't need to be strong every moment. And oh the day you see the pictures of your little one, you will have sweet tears of joy- and it is so worth the wait! I hope and pray that you will get to the next stage of the adoption race before you hit some of the miles/months it took some of us and is taking people like our dear Rana...
Ramona

Janice said...

"Eye on the prize" (or finish line) as my friend always says...One day the wait will be over and this will all be worth it. I liked your post very much.

lyndsey&kevin said...

Happy 16 months.... keep focused.... it is coming...
L

The Mannings said...

ahh - how did you know exactly what i am feeling????!! i have been feeling the same way for a while know and just dont feel like i have the energy to even post about it - or think anyone would understand. thanks

Naomi said...

Hi, I have never commented here before, but I check on you often. This post has brought me to good thoughts and lessons God has taught me over the years. But not for a child. I am single and unlikely to ever be a mother and that is okay. I am a teacher who adores my job. Anyways, if you don't mind my asking a question does the referral you are waiting for count only for Ethiopia, or are there other countiries as possibilities as well?

Keep looking to God, He is always there.

Naomi

Naomi said...

I also struggle with weight and I want to encourage you (and me) to not focus on the gain, but on the decisions you make one day at a time. They won't always be the right decisions, but to look at the whole past, present and future is overwhelming.

sarah t said...

I believe you have summed up (almost) every adoptive parent's thoughts and feelings in one post. I remember too well the agonizing questions from concerned family and friends, and being heartsick at having nothing to share. Towards the end before we got our referral, my husband and I seriously thought about having shirts made that read, "Don't ask. Read the blog." just to avoid having to repeat the same updates to every single person.
I don't say this lightly: Hang in there. The finish line will appear, and you're right, the end is definitley worth this awful pain.

Anonymous said...

kris,

this is an AMAZING post...
it really made me get it...with tears in my eyes right now...16months. i wish I could phone you right now..but it's 11:11..a little too late? i don't want the wrath of waking you up!

love you my friend...
beats

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