New everything....

Well, what to write.....

I must say I have fallen off the blog wagon.  I hate that i have, cause I love the connection that I get with other bloggers, but where oh where is the time to blog!  It is seeding time here, so that makes it busy, and oh, and a wee toddler that is now RUNNING around like crazy makes life a bit busy!  Its funny, when she runs, she goes so fast that she looks like a runner, in the last strides of the race, you know, when their chest is forward and their upper body is way in front as to get their chest to break the ribbon first??!!  Kind of like the picture to the left!  She is a goer!

back in Ethiopia......2010

And to think just about a year ago, she could HARDLY hold her head up.  I must be honest.  When i would receive our update photo's from our agency, I was a bit worried when I would see them.  She had gained weight, but never any progress on milestones.  I even was asking others who had met her in person, while over in Ethiopia......so when you met her and held her did she do this, did she do that....


For being 14months, she was developmentally behind.  Big time.  And I know, I know, the books say..be prepared they most likely will be.  Others had blogged about it. I know.  But once it is your baby who is developmentally behind, you worry.  WILL they catch up?  Will she always be behind?  Is it more than just developmentally?  Should I push certain exercises so she gets stronger, or just let her come on her own.  Do I make her sit, even though she hates it, will it interfere with the bonding if I push her too much, and she associates it with not liking me....blah blah blah.........  Its tough, but we have made it through it.


You would never ever know she was behind.  She's chattering.  She's running.  She's into the infamous "NO!!"  She's climbing.  She's right on track.  She's a toddler through and though.....She's caught up.  What a crazy year she has had. 


New parents, new country, new sister, new food.  New bed, new muscles being worked.  New smells, new color of skin to look at, new house, new language.  NEW EVERYTHING.  And what a trouper she has been.  Crazy how fast this year has flown by. 

Now.....2011

A year ago right now I was still in my crazy, wreck of a self, waiting for her visa.  Crazy.   

Confession Friday(Saturday Edition)

I confess that I am watching Hannah Montana's Final Season.....by myself.

I confess I have been considering purchasing a bump it.  I even saw the Wal Mart edition of the bump it.  I stood there looking at it for a few minutes, seeing if it would work.  But I didn't.  Yet.

I confess that there are black curly hairs everywhere in our house.  When guests come over, I feel compelled to tell them that Nevaeh's hair sheds everywhere!  I try to keep on top of it.  But it's everywhere. 

I confess I am crying right now over an episode of Hannah Montana.  Her horse is dying.....

I confess that I am crying even more as it goes on. 

I confess that I tried and bought some cheap hair stuff for Nev's hair.  I thought, really, as if it makes a difference.  So I bought some oil, and some other stuff.  I was wrong.  The cheap stuff sucks.  The oil doesn't soak in.  It stinks.  The cream for her hair makes her look like Jerry-Lee Lewis.  I will not be using it again.  What do you all use??

Confession Friday

I confess that San Fran was just what the Dr ordered for me and my peep Sarah.  We had a relaxing and fun time.  I love that city!

I confess it was very sobering to step out of the mall and then see all the homeless people there.  I have never seen so many homeless people other than our travels to Ethiopia.  Makes you double think about buying frivolous things when others don't even have a home.

I confess I am sooooo glad J's hockey is done.  I love it, but man, it makes a busy winter.

I confess that I turned 3* this week.  What's your guess on the *part of that number!

I confess that I while in San Fran one night I was in bed by 9:30 and slept until 9.  Real party girls we were!!

I confess that waking up and seeing the sights on TV about Japan made my heart sad.  I can handle a bit of cold and be thankful that the threat of a earthquake is pretty nil where we are.

I confess that my passport expired on March 8th.  And my return flight got into Regina at 11:59.  Yes.  11:59.  But at least if there was going to be a hubbub, I was on Canadian soil!  I know.  Why cut it so close you ask.  Well that's how I roll.  If we didn't do this little trip now, it wouldn't happen until next year, as we are heading into calving, and I really needed a little rejuvenation time.  But let me tell you, 3 out of 4 ticket people sure gave me the speech about not travelling with it so close, and in their heads I know they were thinking...."you idiot."  But hey, I'm here. 

Manic Monday...(a day late)

Since I was in the air most of yesterday for Manic Monday, I have to post a day late.  Better late than never.

Manic Monday is a way to share the lows of the journey of adoption.

Every one has them, just a few of us chose to make it common knowledge.  But there is power in talking about the rough times.

Comments.  They totally can bring me down.  I know I should just let them roll off my chest, but each time a stupid comment is made I want to scream.  I can handle the whole..."oh can I touch her hair" thing.  Although it does get a bit old, but that I can shrug off.  It's the more intense, deep down wounding comments.  Like "where is her real mother".  "At least you have one of your own children (meaning a bio child)."  "How much did she cost".  Things like that.

Really?.  Where is her real mother?  What am I?  Just someone willing to have puke on me when she is sick, change parasitic diapers, etc....?  Do I not qualify to be her "real mother" because she did not come from my womb?

Seriously?  At least you have one of your own?  So you think because she is not my bio child that we view her in a different "class" of our family?  What is the difference.  Why would it make any difference that I had one via my body and one via Ethiopia.?

For real?  How much did she cost.  How ridiculous of a question. If they knew how much heart ache and paper work, and pain etc we went thru.  It's not like you think...hmmmmm, we should adopt.  Cut a cheque, and boom.  She is here.  NOT IN THE LEAST.  Can I get AMEN???!!!.  It is the most painful, long, time consuming process you can imagine. For someone to imply that we "bought her"  is very uneducated on their part.

But I have started to try to not let those comments resonate with me.  To let it go.  If I have the opportunity to educate them in the proper wording of some things, I do.  I also can read if a person is sincere in what they are asking.

It is a hard aspect of bringing a child home who has different color skin.  Be prepared for silly questions.  Research before you bring you child/children home, so you have answers for these dumb comments.  If you are prepared, you wont be so rattled when you get them.

Manic Monday.....

I am following suit from my friend Rana and going to talk a bit about the emotional side of adoption, so Manic Monday it is!!!

I believe it is so helpful to talk about all sides of adoption, not just the "good part."  The pictures of the smiles, and the meeting ect., all part of the good side.  But I feel that if we don't talk about all sides, it can give a false illusion to those who are entering the process.  It's just like when you have a biological child.  You are soooo excited and imagine rocking your baby, cuddling, nursing them, ect.  Other been there done that mom's don't often tell you about the utter exhaustion, the crying when you have a colic baby, the stress of a sick baby ect...
I was not emotionally prepared when we gave birth to J, and I was not emotionally prepared when we finally got N home.


This is all just my experience, NOT by any means how it goes for everyone.

Ethiopia was a high emotionally for me.  You are so excited, and it feels so amazing to finally have your baby/child.  You experience amazing culture, amazing people, and you just fall in love with Ethiopia.  The plane ride started my coming down from my high!  It was so long(obviously), but it was the beginning of not sleeping for me, which is not good emotionally for me.

Coming thru the gates in the airport boosted my high again, but it started to dwindle quickly.  The jet lag SUCKS.  I hate that word, but it does.  Totally sucks.  It wears you down and my immunity was low.  Nevaeh was doing well, and adjusting good, she was a trouper.  I was so tired.  The best way to describe how I felt is that I was just being Nev's caregiver.  I loved her, but wasn't in love yet.  And I felt horrible.  This didn't help the bonding, since I was judging myself and also was withholding from my older daughter, because I felt like I shouldn't be unfair to Nev, and treat Jay "more loved".  The first few weeks, I was a mess.

Until I was on facebook...yes facebook chatting with another adoptive mom.  She told me how she felt her first weeks and months. Feeling guilty was not helping the situation, and hearing her experience took a huge weight off my shoulder.  The bonding experience is a long process, it doesn't just happen the moment you pick up your child.  And I knew that...but I thought, why wouldn't it.  We had all the heart ache and pain waiting for her, how could I not instantly love her full out, and bond instantly.  I knew it would take awhile for her to bond to us, but I thought MY bond would be instant.

It has taken time.  I can say that.  But it's coming, much better.

So my advice to those waiting and getting ready to bring their child home, is give yourself time.  And don't feel guilty about how you are feeling.  Just do each day as it comes.

Now back to the frufru's for awhile!!

Confession Friday

I confess that this will be short and sweet cause I am in a hotel on my iPad in the dark as the kiddos are sleeping

I confess I used the word boyfriend when telling Nev we were going to see Ade and company tomorrow! I wonder if they recognize each other??? Almost a year in the same room??? Who knows! But regardless it will be great fun.

I confess that I am going to San Fran next week with my best bud and am sooooo excited! Sleep in and eat a meal with out interruption! Booyah!

I confess it's a bit pathetic when you have 5days to yourself and you are excited to sleep in and eat in peace!! Gone are the days of being excited to club it up and shop til you drop!

I confess that there will be some shopping in there too, but main thing is relax

I confess I just bought my 7year old a pair of skinny jeans. Yes I did. She really wanted them and she has been in a phase of sweat pants so for her to ask to wear jeans is nice!

I confess I am ready for J's hockey to be done. It's a long season and I am tired of rink burgers

I confess I have the best hubby's ever for letting me take off without him, and taking care of the kiddos while we wine taste, shop, and sleep!

I confess I looked on expedia to see if there is a shorter flight to Ethiopia than what we took!

Until next week!

Going to meet her.....

I remember waking up that morning, feeling excited, nervous, and most of all so ready to go meet her.  I couldn't eat breakfast as my stomach was in knots.  I was ready early, and I got butterflies when I saw Ketema drive up in the van, because I knew that meant it was time to go!  Adam, my father-in-law and I jumped in the van.  They let me sit in the front seat, so I could see and take pictures.  This whole time my stomach was getting more and more excited, and yet sad.  I knew that Nevaeh was going to be given to us, and we were going to be so happy, and for her, we were going to be strangers.  The people she felt safe with, comforted by, we were going to be removing her from them.  There fore I was sad, mixed in with it all.

I was tapping my toes, the whole time, and fidgeting until we turned left up this road.  I stopped it all as Ketema said, "This is it.  Do you want to take a picture?"  This is what I saw, and my heart started to race.  Ketema looked at me and saw my tears, and reached over and put his hand on mine, and said " Its okay, just breathe!  Now lets go meet your daughter Chaltu."   

We waited about 5 mins on the blue couches!! And then we saw her coming down the stairs with a care worker.  I couldn't even think much.  Just....."there she is."  I didn't cry.  I just looked and waited for them to come down the stairs.  She brought Chaltu to us, and we just looked at her, and touched her hands and stroked her arm.  Then she handed her to us.  Chaltu began to cry and wanted to go back to her caregiver.

This is when I started to cry.  It was what I was scared of.  She wanted who she knew.  Not me, her mom.  She didn't know I was her mom.  She was scared of me and Adam. 

After a few moments she stopped crying.  Then she laid her head on my shoulder.  Not necessarily because she was comfortable with me, but because she didn't have a lot of strength to hold her own head up.  I remember wrapping my arms around her and felt her breathing.  I felt how congested she was, and I knew she was sick right away.  I could feel her lungs rattling with every breath.  The mom in me was already on alert!  In about 5 mins, she had fallen asleep on my shoulder, and I just took it all in.
 

I knew Adam wanted to hold her to, and so we did the switch and she woke up.  But she just clung to Adam, and didn't cry.  Her legs just hung. No strength in them.  Her wide eyes took us in.
 

Finally we knew Grandpa wanted a chance to hold her, so we switch again.  She clung to him as he talked to her.  It was a precious moment to see.  I haven't seen my father in law cry much, and to see his tears, I it melted my heart.  It wasn't just us who waited for her for so long.  His tears were on behalf of all our family back home, and our close friends.
 

Grandpa gave her back to me, and she fell asleep again in my arms and we just sat and talked while she slept in my arms.  We hung out for about an hour longer, and finally knew it was time to give her back so she could go drink her bottle, and we would return the next day to pick her up forever.

It was an overwhelming hour.  It drained me emotionally, and I was surprisingly glad for the extra day to prepare to get ready to have her forever.

This is what I can remember about going to meet her.........

Blog or Blahhhhhh.

Yeah.  Blah I'd say is how to sum up my blog lately.  BLAH!!!!!!!!!

It has been going good here on the Lawson front.  Things are feeling more and more "right" each day with bonding.(I know that was not proper English, but that's I can explain it!.)  Nev is doing well, has been healthy, and I would say feels secure at home.  

Chillin like a villan

Getting ready to go to church

Okay....since you asked, here are a few snap of her....

She has though, started to be a pill in public.  If anyone even looks her way, she frEAKs  out.  And forget me trying to put her down to save my aching shoulders.  So maybe the sling will have to come back out, for my back and shoulders health.  Sooooo, what do you do?  Just cater to this, and be glad that she is attached to us, and not wanting anyone else on the earth to look her way, or do you slowly try to put her down.  Any suggestions.  I am really open to any and all suggestions.  

Walter the worm also seems to be gone!!!  Yeah.  No, make that a double YEAH!!!.  I don't want to get too excited, but am very hopeful. Its been a long go at fighting all the different parasites she had.  We tried everything.  Finally after a letter from the specialist to Health Canada requesting a certain drug not allowed in Canada, it seems to have worked.  I could post a picture of Walter on here for you all to see, (the Dr's were so interested because none of them had ever seen it, that they asked me to photograph it and put it on a CD , and give written permission that they could use it in teaching schools), but I figured you would just rather another picture of Nevaeh instead!  (Although I know some of you are thinking....ohhhhh, what did it look like!!  I know I would be!  But I'm crazy like that, very interested in that type of stuff...just not when it's on my own daughter!!!!)

So I will leave you with the ONE and ONLY photo of us as a family.

Confession Friday

I confess that I in fact DID NOT have eczema last week, but I had self induced burning of the skin!  I used Lavender essential oil on my stomach, and I guess when they say to dilute it....they mean dilute it.  I indeed burnt my own skin.  Yes...yes I did.

I confess I am obsessed with filing my heals down.  At the rate I am going I will be down to bone soon.!  I just hate rough heels and feet.  And I do confess that what spurred this obsession is way back when my hubby was giving me a foot rub and said..."hmmmm, your heels remind me of my mom's...all rough and dry.."
Ever since I have become addicted.
Hello.....my name is Krista.  And I am addicted to smooth feet.


I confess that I also have a hang up about dirty snow.  I do not like the way it looks.  I even go to the extent of when I shovel off our driveway, I will cover up the dirty, salty snow that has come off my vehicle with nice white snow.  I love the look of white snow.

I do confess that I am soooo excited for a fellow adoptive mom who just received amazing news, and I am so happy for them!  They have had a bad few months, and now....its over.


I confess that I waste baby wipes.  No folding over for me.  I know it's a waste, but when you have dealt with parasitic pooh for as long as we have...you just wipe and get a new one.  I feel bad about this, as with Jay, I even went to the extent of cutting my wipes in half.

I confess I am super excited for tomorrow at 11am!!!

I confess that I had an uhhhhuh moment while watching TLC's Hoarders.  One of the hoarders children broke down and said, "How do you think it has made me feel...all these years when you just come home and head straight for the computer...and dont' even care to see how my day was .......etc."  It really made me think about keeping computer time for the evening, and spending quality time with my kids.  Not that I am that extreme..but it just made me think.  It had a lasting impact on this boy.  His mom seeming not to care, that the computer and TV was more important than him.  Which leads me to.......

I confess on the radio I heard that they say if you spend more than 1 hour a day on facebook, you are not happy in your life.  I confess that too made me wonder......sooooo if facebook is just left on during the day, and you just check it when you walk by, or when you hear the dliing, of facebook chat going off, does that count?  But then really....why does it have to be on.  Am I not happy in life?  Should I quit reading blogs and online shopping cause that will equal more than an hour..........hmmmmm. ( I think not, but I do think that I am reflecting and doing some serious cut back in computer time...)

I confess I feel like our adoption is now complete that Rana and Yvan have their son Ade.  I know, that may sound weird, but it has been over my head that we received our referral one day apart, and Ade was still there with out his mama and papa.  I held him, and kissed him for his mama....and after holding him, my heart just had an ache for him, his mom and his dad, because of all the delays.  But he is with his family now.  I feel so happy for them all....

Tiny Prints.

 I feel the need to share my awesome finds from Tiny Prints.....Have you heard of them?  They are awesome.  It's a site to order Christmas cards, invitations, day planners, photo gifts...etc.

Here is what I have ordered so far and I love it.... a day planner, photo cards and canvas prints.  I love them.  Very very good quality.  And fast shipping.  I just love a good deal, so I thought I would share it with you!! Oh and plus they have lots of promotions to bring the cost down.  I just ordered some canvas prints at 50% off.  This is something I made for a friend...(it looks small, but it is 10x10, oh and it's blurry cause I didn't get their permission to put their pictures up) .Check Tiny prints out..You will love them.  I wish I could show yo the day planner I got from them, it had Nevaeh and Jayden's picture on the front, but I can't get that to show, since it's already been received by me..

If you click on the link below, you will get 10 dollars off 50 dollars, or 20 dollars off 100 dollar order!  Oh yeah baby!

Confession Friday

 I confess that I cannot get this signature at the bottom of the post like it is suppose to......!!!  What's going on.


 I confess that I have a major flare up of eczema.....I am itching and itching, I am going crazy............


I confess that I am really missing going on a hot vacation this winter!


I confess that I am going to Jay's hockey game tomorrow, and she is really excited when Nevaeh and I come to the games.  I confess though, that I don't actually get to see more than a few shifts of her playing, as I am totally consumed by Nevaeh at the rink! But she thinks we watch the whole game.


I confess I am excited to get a new puppy soon, but hate how attached I get to animals.  I am nervous as our last puppy had a bad out come when she was getting spayed, and it was very hard to lose her. I hope our next dog is with us for a long time....


I confess that I do as  well hate word verifications on my blog....so removed it awhile ago, but have now put it back on as I was getting crazy spam.  So sorry Lynds (wink) its back on!


I confess that I am addicted to a few show, like Greys Anatomy, and it irritates me how they do 2 or so new episodes, and then back to reruns....don't they know I look forward to that show and count down the days until Thurs?  Oh and I am addicted to Modern Family....Private Practice.....Celebrity Rehab......90210...and this one I am opening up myself to a bunch of flogging....but I do also watch Degassi, the next Generation.  I know.  BUT I am not addicted..i just have it PVR'd.....so I watch when it shows up on the pvr.  But since it's PVR'd....i suppose that means it's close to being an addiction...hmmmmmm.

Since my signature Cheers is still at the top,


Cheers,

Wordless Wednesday..our first sight of Africian soil from the airplane...

Confession Friday.

Following my good friend Rana, I am going to start Confession Friday!!!!

I confess that it is actually Saturday am and I should be in bed....but I'm not...As usual!

I confess that I have butterflies in my stomach for Rana and Yvan, and that I am so excited for them to meet their son.  FINALLY!

I confess that I have had feeling of guilt ever since we have passed court, and Rana and Yvan were caught in every speed bump they could hit.  (don't get me wrong, I never felt any guilt from them, only happiness, but when you get referrals a day apart, you "should" be on the same time line.)

I confess that I have listened to my 7 year old's Justin Bieber's CD and actually even cranked up "Never Say Never" when I was driving home from town alone.  And then I hit repeat.  TWICE! 

I confess I am addicted to Stella and Dot jewelry.  I love it.  I never thought I'd be a jewelry girl....but man am I ever.  I am selling it now and confess that doing a trunk show is nerve wracking!

I confess that I am a home body.  I love my home, and am so thankful for a warm house, with a real fire place on a cold night like tonight.

I confess I miss Ethiopia.  I love it there.  I love the people.  I love the friends we made there.  Everything.  Part of my heart was left in Ethiopia. 

I confess I listened to the whole CD of Justin Bieber.  Not just one song.  And I have a Justin Bieber Tshirt that I sleep in.  (what can I say...I get caught up in the concert mode...and yes...I confess I loved the JB concert I took my daughter to with my good friend and her sister.

I've heard these a time or two!

So here is a video that is a bit over the top, but some of the questions are bang on. I don't answer like some of these, but in my head this MAY be what I am thinking! Don't take offense if you have asked me some of these questions, it just gets a little bit repetitious. Some are questions that I won't answer. Like her past story, where her mother is, ect. But if you are really lucky, I MIGHT let you touch her hair!